‘Er’s in Childbirth
by toastsoldiers
Summary: Ultrasounds were good and all, letting you see your baby. However, as Harry learned, do not let your eyes deceive you, or else you'll end up with an angry husband and a traumatized son. Maybe, just maybe, he should have checked the gender himself first.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.  
WARNING: **_Mild, blink-and-you-miss-it, language and male pregnancy._

**'Er's in Childbirth**

Harry always knew that it would come down to this one day, now that Scorpius had attended Hogwarts and had gathered enough wit and knowledge to pry the knowledge of _that_ story from him.

He glanced desperately at his husband of twenty years, but Draco shook his head in amusement and gave him a look that clearly said, _this is all your fault, and you know it._

Helplessly he looked back to Scorpius, who moments earlier had stepped in front of him and proclaimed, "I got it!" Before Harry even understood what he 'got', Scorpius pulled out Lily, who was immediately pouting with her puppy-dog face, saying rather adorably, "Pwease?"

Squirming rather uncomfortably in his seat by the fireplace, Harry had grudgingly allowed his son to ask his question. Of course, he soon regretted it when Scorpius immediately said, "My birth. The story of my birth, I want it _now_."

Harry and Draco, and pretty much anyone _else_ that knew of the story had made jokes of it often enough that it had piqued the young boy's curiosity. Harry now wondered if they should have been more discreet in their references and jokes.

"Are you sure you want to hear it, Scorpius?" Harry asked slowly, trying to stall for time.

Sniffing, the blonde effeminate boy responded quickly, "Of course. You told James how his birth was, didn't you?"

"Well, James's birth wasn't as … complicated as yours," he said, cautiously. Almost immediately he platinum blonde's eyes narrowed, darting to his father that he was so nearly a carbon copy of before flickering back to Harry.

Harry had to admit that the boy was smart for his age, smarter than James had been for sure, but sometimes Harry had to wonder if that was a good thing. In his corner, he heard Draco snickering, saying in a sing song voice, "Love, it _was_ your decision after all."

He and Draco had been married for 20 years. Their oldest child, James, was seventeen, Scorpius was fifteen, and Lily was six. Their marriage was pleasant and sweet, and the opposite of their rivalry in all ways except for the passion they still held. Life was good – but they had hit one tiny snag in the road. The little snag being the birth of Scorpius.

"Dad, go ahead and traumatize him for all I care," James supplied helpfully smirking at his younger brother. He did that a lot, teasing Scorpius who was in more ways than one feminine.

Clearing his throat, Harry realized that he was cornered and outnumbered. "Well, you see …"

~*~

Harry was happy, he truly was. He remembered how long it took him to convince Draco to use ultrasounds to see their baby. Draco had always rejected it claiming that it was muggle and barbaric, but Harry told him to try it once, and if he didn't _like_ it, then he wouldn't ask again. Draco immediately took to it when they first saw the embryo-James on the screen, mercury eyes watering as he stared at the child that was living inside him.

That goes without saying that Draco was immediately taken when he asked to do the same for their second child.

The muggle doctor greeted them, rubbed the cold substance onto Draco's belly, and began.

"See right there?" The doctor asked. Both of them nodded, but really, they couldn't _see_ anything that made sense to them. "Congratulations," the doctor chirped, eyes bright, "You're having a baby girl."

Needless to say, the two of them spoiled their child before it was even born. They bought her everything that even looked remotely cute, already dubbing her Lyra, as they agreed that Draco would name the second child. The name, however, earned an eyeroll from Harry as he exasperatedly asked, "Why do Blacks _always_ have a thing with stars?"

To which Draco replied, "Well then, it's a good thing _you're_ a star then, isn't it?"

They decorated and painted the new nursery pink and fluffy. Really, pink and fluffy was all they had in mind as they shopping for their soon-to-be-born daughter.

Then came the day of the birth.

Draco held on to Harry's hand as if his life depended on it, screaming the same profanity he had when he was giving birth to James. Harry sat there calmly, although wincing, replying mechanically, "Of course, love. Of course."

Lyra was finally born five hours later, and when the healer, Madame Pomfrey, held her blood covered body up, she motioned for Harry to come closer. "Harry," she whispered, casting worried glances at Draco, "What gender did you say it would be again?"

Giving her a confused look, he peered at his newborn baby, and gulped. "Draco," he started slowly, to which the blonde replied quickly.

"What? What is it? Oh, _gods_, it … she's not a still born is she?" Draco wailed, and Harry shushed him.

"Don't be silly, you can hear, er … _her_ crying, can't you?"

Draco sniffed, and immediately brightened, "Can I hold her; can I hold Lyra now?"

Harry winced, "About that, you see, love … Lyra's got a dick."

There was a split second of silence before Draco asked, _"What?"_ It was amazing, really, how much murderous intent you can put on one word.

"Um … Lyra's got a dick?" Harry cowered, and the next few minutes were filled with Draco cursing him and his bloody muggle machines.

~*~

There was a soft strangled snicker first, then chuckles, then full blown laughter as James fell to the carpet floor howling with laughter, struggling to get to his brother to pat him on the back and say, "Well, I always knew that there was a good explanation for it."

Draco smirked at his husband, and Harry looked worriedly at his second son, who looked like he had just been greatly psychologically traumatized.

"I was supposed to be a _girl?!_"

Harry sighed, and braced himself for the long explanation that he knew lay ahead. Finally, it was hours later when he finished. "You see, son, it was only because you were backwards in your father's womb. We only saw your back, and unless you were endowed with man-bits _there_, then there was no way we'd have known you were a boy."

James laughed, "Well, he's certainly got man-bits up _there_ now."

Scorpius sniffed, picked up Lily (who had been sleeping soon after her "pwease") and went to bed, feeling completely betrayed by both his parents and the rest of his family.

Draco finally put his book down and told James to run along before walking up to his husband, sinking down onto his lap. "See? _That_ was why I never liked muggle inventions."

Harry groaned tiredly before Draco kissed him softly. "I say we name the next one after Severus if it's a boy – and no ultrasounds."

Harry snorted. "It's not like we did that for Lily anyways."

Draco laughed, "And look how well she turned out compared to our first two."

The Savior of the Wizarding World grudgingly admitted that his husband was, indeed, right.

* * *

**A/N: An idea that wouldn't leave me as I typed by english essay. Inspired by my best friend's older brother.**

**Review please?**


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